We are having our share of trying times here in the Upstate NY house. Things are financially tight, but we are experiencing an extremely tight time this winter season. I cannot understand how so many things can break down at the same time! It is mind boggling!
First, my oven/stove died; then my washing machine died for over a week. We did not want to spend any money on repairing it, so I stomped out the wash in the tub. My dear sister allowed me to come down and run up her water bill for loads that were just too much for us to wring out. (thx so much! Love you!!!!) I was beginning to wonder if there was a pattern to these things occurring back-to-back
While in the process of diagnosing the problem with the washer, the septic tank backed up--there went $240 down the drain! (it's ok, you can laugh--I did!) Now my wondering was over--SOMETHING is going on here. My DH said it was just a coincidence; things break down. No, I couldn't believe that--and then, the dryer started cutting out. No, not the dryer! If it were summer, no problem, but not now! It takes some fancy maneuvering, but I can get it to work on medium heat for a little while...DH will look into that as soon as he can.
Are you shaking your head in disbelief? Wait, there's more!!!! Just a couple of days ago, the feed auger motor for the pellet heater died. We keep a day's worth of kerosene on hand in case of such emergencies, but with my DH going to college, and UI benefits expired, we couldn't run on kerosene, and we can't buy a new motor. HEAP is no help because we have to have someone inspect it to tell us how much it will cost, but the inspection will cost us more than we can afford. So for now, I feed pellets into the stove every 5-8 min. In fact, I have to throw in a shovelful right now.
Oh the rambling thoughts that have plagued me..."what have I done so wrong to deserve this!?"..and "is God punishing me?"..and "I feel like Job and the devil is hitting me hard!"...
Being around it all the time could be very depressing...I cannot say that I haven't been on the edge of a breakdown during the past 4 months. What keeps me? God's Word and His people! If you think this is a lamentation, let me assure you now of the purpose of this post.
The outpouring of support from my church has been an anchor for my heart! They have been so generous with gifts of food, and money, and love and prayers!!!! They are truly living out the Scriptures, and my thanks to God for them just cannot be expressed with the mere words!
As I fed the fire all night, I was reading from the Psalms. My heart nearly burst with thankfulness to God for the goodness of His Word. So VERY VERY fitting is Psalm 73 that I beg you, dear reader, to closely
examine it. I will share with you the verses that amazed me:
Truly God is good to Israel, to such as are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled; my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the boastful, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked...They are not in trouble as other men, nor are they plagued like other men....Their eyes bulge with abundance; they have more than heart could wish..Behold, these are the ungodly, who are always at ease; they increase in riches. Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocence. For all day long I have been plagued, and chastened every morning. If I had said, "I will speak thus," behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children.
When I thought how to understand this, it was too painful for me--Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understood their end...I was so foolish and ignorant...Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You: And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart (and my appliances) fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish; You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry. But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all Your works.
